Contemplation

One of the longings of my heart in this past year has been to really honor God through a study, and then, practice of the Spiritual disciplines. There are some that I have a strong habit of doing, others I have never practiced. Based on a recommendation of a friend, I purchased an amazing book that teaches on the disciplines. Through an evaluation at the end of the book I was able to narrow down where my initial focus should be. I have started with the discipline of contemplation.
I never knew that was a discipline before! But it is and the teaching in the book really struck a cord with me... and I realized how lacking I am in this practice.
I have often marveled at the passage from the story of the birth of Jesus that says "Mary treasured up these things and pondered them in her heart."
She was living the discipline of contemplation. In the moment, she was watching all that God was doing, she saw Him at work, and she pondered these things in her heart.
My eyes have been opened anew as I have been intentionally looking for God in each day. He has brought "parables" to life for us in beautiful, hands on ways. He has reinforced spiritual truths to me (and all of us as a family) through experiences we have been living. We are seeing Him everywhere because we are looking for HIM!
And then we are stopping and treasuring these things in our heart - and pondering them, discussing them... thinking about them.
I praise the Lord for the way He works all things together... First, He really had to speak to me about margin before I could understand and practice contemplation. Without margin it is not possible to stop and ponder - to think. Hurry, rushing, packed schedules, the whirlwind - it is all anti-contemplation and really anti-seeing.
We sing, "Open the eyes of my heart Lord, I want to see you." but then we rush onto the next activity, commitment, project...
All the while, God replies, "Come, be with me, talk to me, listen to me... then your heart will see."
I am seeking God, asking Him to help me create some parameters of ensuring and protecting margin in all 4 areas: emotional, physical, financial, and with time so that I can become a woman who regularly treasures up and ponders the things of the Lord.

Margin

I believe that the Lord guided me as I selected books to bring along on half-time. One of the books that has rocked my world and spoken deeply into the depths of my longing to understand SLOW is called Margin by Richard Swenson. As an M.D., the author has watched thousands of people suffer with ailments brought about as a result of overloaded lives and he asserts that the cure is margin.

He opens his book with this paragraph:

"Marginless is being thirty minutes late to the doctors office because you were twenty minutes late getting out of the bank because you were ten minutes late dropping the kids off at school because the car ran out of gas two blocks from the gas station and you forgot your wallet at home. 

Marginless is fatigue, margin is energy.

Marginless is red ink; margin is black ink.

Marginless is hurry; margin is calm.

Marginless is anxiety; margin is security.

Marginless is culture; margin is counter-culture. "

Yes! My heart screamed as I first read Dr. Swenson's words... This is it. I am in desperate need of understanding margin. 

I devoured his book in which he teaches about the need to really maintain margin in 4 areas. Here is an excerpt from pg. 78 of his book. 

"To be healthy, we require margin in at least four areas: emotional energy, physical energy, time, and finances. Conditions of modern living, however, have drained these margins rather than sustaining them. In emotional energy, seldom have we been so stressed, so alone and so exhausted in spirit. In physical energy, we are overfed, under active, and sleep-deprived. In time, our clock-dominated, nanosecond culture leaves us wheezing and worn out. And in finances, universal indebtedness makes our societal landscape look like a fiscal Gettysburg."

By virtue of picking up and moving to a different country, where we don't know anyone, and where we will only be for a 6 month period of time... I was gifted some instant margin.  I haven't used a calendar since we have been here. I can easily remember what we have going on.... because we don't have a flurry of commitments on the calendar.... just white space. 

I don't have an international cell phone to talk to people. I am not connected to the internet, texting, or email 24/7 as I was in the states and I am actually learning how to get around without always relying on GPS.

There is no mail service at our house in Costa Rica. 

We only have one car. 

Our rented home came furnished and very simply equipped. 

My life has never had so much white space and I can honestly say I have stepped out of the cycle of being caught in the urgent and with much of the instant margin I have been given, the important things that have been on my heart are receiving attention. My heart overflows with thankfulness at the gift that Jesus has given us in this half-time... to re-group and not miss the things that really matter.
My prayer is that in this time I will pay close attention to what the scriptures teach about margin. How did Jesus live? What were his rhythms? And how, once we return to our home in Indiana do I live against the incredible pull of culture and stay margin-full and living the important, non-urgent?

The Horse and the Rider

A few weeks before leaving for our 6 month adventure in Costa Rica, we were talking with some dear friends. They are more than just friends really... They are mentors and role models. They embody so much of what we want to live in our lives. We love and respect this couple and in them we see Jesus. And in them... I see the heart of SLOW.

We asked them to share a little with us about waiting on Jesus... and so shortly after we arrived in Costa Rica we received this email from them...

It felt as though it were a welcome message from God to me as I began half-time. It is beautiful.... Here is just an excerpt of the letter. Enjoy.

Instead of starting with the story of our own journey, I think I will start with an analogy: that of the horse and rider. Back in the day I was taking a horseback riding class and found myself on the back of a tired steed in a long line of horses and riders on a narrow trail. How much control did I have over my horse? How much control is needed to direct a horse to follow the other horses on a trail that the horse knows well? The truth is my horse could have safely carried me down the trail and back to the barn without any signals from me at all. I think he (my horse) was annoyed with me when I tried to exert some control. I didn’t want him to start walking just because the other horses did. I wanted him to start walking because I meant for him to walk. Why? Because I just wanted to feel powerful and controlling? No. I didn’t want to just walk a trail horse on a trail. I wanted to ride. I wanted to be on a horse in this whole new-to-me world of horseback riding with lots of possibility and, dare I mention it, adventure. Yes, I was willing to start with walking on a trail. But what seemed essential to the experience of exploring this new world was the response of the horse to me. Without the horse’s ability or willingness to respond to me it was all just a hairy and smelly merry-go-round: a short and fun – but fake – exercise to stimulate the imagination without the inconveniences and dangers of a real adventure. And that is what most beginner-oriented trail riding opportunities are meant to do. They give a little taste of the real thing. We can’t have beginners falling off and breaking their necks trying to gallop, can we? So merry-go-round trail riding is not a bad thing at all. But it sure isn’t all there is to riding a horse. It is just barely scraping the surface. And do you know that some of the horses there were in trail training. Two of them were good horses destined to carry police officers. But they needed to learn how to remain calm and obedient among strange sights, noises, and people. They need to learn to place their own desire to run or eat on hold and walk calmly behind the horse ahead. And a few years of trail riding was just what they needed. More training was in store for them, of course, but not before they had learned to what they needed to learn on the merry-go-round trails. So those trails can produce good things in horses. But horses meant for more need to learn at least this one thing: to look always to the rider for each direction, not the other horses.  The merry-go-round trails, for all the good they do, do not make that abundantly clear.

So many times as Christians... we desire to know what is expected of us and do it. And that is important. So important it is even a part of the journey on which Jesus leads us: we give up a former way of life and surrender everything to Him. He leads us on an adventure to serve in a certain way in a certain place and we learn to give up what we want for what He wants. And we learn to remain calm in situations that would have caused us sleepless nights before this. We learn lots of wonderful lessons. And we work hard. But there is more, you know. That part of the journey, while it felt long and arduous, was only scraping the surface of what is to come: an adventure with Jesus in which you listen to Him and look to Him for each moment’s direction. That is what waiting on Jesus as a lifestyle is. It is looking to Him each moment for what should be done, and waiting until He speaks. This is in contrast to knowing what needs to be done and doing it in that you learn to listen before acting on the assumption that you should follow the horse in front of you.

The problem with the “do what needs to be done” lifestyle is that it doesn’t take the whole picture into account. It tends to assume that mere action in this realm is the answer. And it tends to assume that God speaks infrequently and that the main thing He wants from us is hard work and self denial. Hard work and self denial are important, but that is not the end, it is only the very beginning. He wants to restore our hearts and teach us to participate with Him in His work. He wants to show us how very spiritual everything is. He wants to teach us to listen to His continual communication. He wants to be conversational with us. And He wants us to learn to wait for His nudge instead of just going ahead with what everyone else is doing or what we think we need to do for Him.

In our journey, I wondered quite a few times when the waiting seasons would end and I would be able to charge ahead with what I knew I was supposed to do. But that was not what He had in mind. What He had in mind was teaching me to wait on Him continually like a horse that doesn’t even need a bit or a bridle or a trail or other horses. Like a horse that can remain steady and quiet, or charge ahead or back up, always obedient to the command of the moment. And then it is not just obeying commands and giving them, it is a deep connection between horse and rider most of us only read about.

Even as I re-read this letter to post it here today I am struck by the kindness of Jesus to speak directly to me through our friends. These first few months for me have been a time to re-connect with Jesus. To hear Him again... and to wait on Him continually.

This part of the letter especially resonates in my heart:

He wants to show us how very spiritual everything is. He wants to teach us to listen to His continual communication. He wants to be conversational with us.

During half-time thus far I have been completely blown away at how I am seeing, experiencing and hearing Jesus. It is constant. Everyday, without exaggeration, I have listened to the Holy Spirit speak a spiritual truth or a word of love to me or to Mac or to one of our children through something we are experiencing. Joshua stuck in a rip-tide becomes an immediate lesson about the pull of the world. Spotting a boa high in a tree and marveling at its beauty transforms into the sober thought about the beauty of the serpent and our need to be on guard, watching a man work for hours to up-root a dying plant captivated me as I continued to think about the poisonous roots we must get rid of in our hearts if we are to bear good fruit... I could go on and on.

Walking one morning with Mac my heart overflowed as I just gushed about how beautiful it is that Jesus is speaking constantly and in so many ways. He smiled and said, "I think he has always been speaking. I just think that now you are hearing Him."

Now I am hearing him. Why? What is different now?

The answer is at the heart of SLOW.

It is because now, during half-time, I have discovered margin.

Half Time....

It has been a few years. I cannot even believe those words as my hands type them.  A few years since I have quieted enough to sit and capture thoughts on a blog. So much has happened. So much life... so quickly passed.
But now I pause. Years later to ponder and sort and capture. I am driven by the challenge to not let a single word spoken by my Holy God fall to the ground. Not one word.
When 2014 came sweeping... I sought the Lord for a focus word or theme for the year.  The word He gave me was "SLOW." Even the thought of the word caused a skip in my heart... a longing in my inmost being. What is slow?  As I shared with friends that the Lord had been whispering the word SLOW to me... they questioned... does that mean not hanging out with others as much, or sleeping in, or limiting commitments? All I could answer was that I had no idea. The Lord gave me the word and I would have to wait for Him to show me what it meant.
Slow does not come naturally or easily for me. Perhaps that is why I couldn't figure out what it meant.... but I knew that I longed for it. I have never lived slow. As an extreme extravert with super high energy my entire life has been lived fast and full. A blank space on the calendar felt like a time slot that was going to be wasted if I didn't fill it. I purposed to squeeze the most out of each day... as if it was a lemon waiting to be juiced and I didn't want to waste a single drop.
For most of my life this has served me very well. But, and I am really not sure when - it just happens doesn't it?-, my life began to be filled with all things urgent. And by filled I mean bursting. A complete day, packed with movement and activity would often leave me at the end of the day realizing I had neglected some of the most beautiful important things that I desperately wanted to dedicate time to. This cycle continued (When I say cycle... Picture cyclone) and when the Lord spoke the word SLOW to me again and again... I received it but I had no idea what to do with it. I picture here the feeling George Washington would have if we were to travel back in time and give him a cell phone. What is this? How do I use it? What is it good for?
And for the first 5 months of this year life spun in such a frenzy.  My heart felt unfamiliar even bothered by the word SLOW. It taunted me with promise of deep breaths and smelling roses and laughing at a dinner table with dear friends into the night. It eluded me. My heart cried out to the Lord. Please do not let me miss what you want to teach me. Please show me why the word SLOW and how... how Lord?
Then the Heavenly Father, in His perfect timing orchestrated what I am calling a life half-time. Now I will be the first to admit that I am not very knowledgeable about sports. I like sports. I love to watch my kids play sports. However, I have never been on a sports team and my understanding of the rules are pretty limited. But I do understand the concept of half-time. Half time is the name given to the interval between two halves of a match. It exists mainly to give competitors a brief rest from the first half and allow them to recover. It also gives them a chance to re-group, to evaluate how play is going, and to adjust plans if necessary for the final half.
The Lord has given me a half-time. In June we were given the opportunity to relocate to Costa Rica for a 6 month assignment with Mac's work. Without question this time in Costa Rica has been planned by the Lord... to give us a life half-time. Average life expectancy for women in the US is 81 years old. If that statistic plays out for me, I am a smudge over the halfway mark. I believe the Lord has called me at this half-way mark to a time of rest,  of recovery and to re-group. He has provided a chance to step away from home, family, friends, commitments....and planted me, along with my top human priorities, in a place completely new. It's my chance to evaluate how things have gone in the first half and to seek Him for the second half.
He has brought me here to teach me how to SLOW.
Most would have heard Him and learned while managing everyday life. Not me. Jesus knew He would have to set me in a "time-out" so I could focus, hear and apply what He wanted to tell me.
I am two months into my "time-out" and my heart is overflowing with the beauty and absolute brilliance of SLOW.
The resurrection my blogging is my attempt to capture all that my Heavenly Father speaks to me...